LABORS OF LOVE

Extreme Gratitude—An interview with Maryann Gilliam

David and Maryann Gilliam of Armada, Michigan, and their six children were living in a small, two-bedroom house that David was remodeling when, on Dec. 24, 2005, he died unexpectedly. Shortly after his death, the family had to move when a toxic mold was found in the house. Without her husband or a house, Maryann clung to the promises of God. And He provided, she believes, through a community of support, including Thrivent Financial for Lutherans and the ABC hit program “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.” Following is an interview with Maryann done just before Christmas.

Q. It has been a year since the death of your husband, David. How are you and your children coping? What has helped you the most? Where does your strength come from?

A. I think I’ve come a long way in the last year, including a few steps in my faith. I can see how God is overcoming any obstacles in my life and how He continues to provide for us. The children are doing well in school. They all have a lot of friends, are active in school and church activities and are busy in their studies. I see them really thriving. And the community is still 100 percent behind us. For example, members of the fire department help me by driving the older kids to school on Tuesdays and Thursdays so the little ones can sleep in.

I’m getting more independent, and it feels good. This house has brought me independence and is a good constant for us. For the children, our house is a refuge from the storms of losing their daddy. They’re crying a lot less, and we’re having a lot more good conversations about their daddy. The Bible has been my biggest support with the book of Ecclesiastes being my favorite. It talks about life and the meaning of life. I’m learning that we do not have life in our hands. It’s in God’s hands; He’s the ultimate decider. No man has the power over the day or death. God is sovereign. I gain a lot of peace from the Word, realizing that it is the truth; it is the sure foundation. Even without this house, I would still have God. And He is a good God.

Q. In the months after David died, you went through a lot of change, including needing to leave your home—the home thatDavid bought to fix up for you. How did that transition go? 

A. I’m at the point now where I can say thank you for this house. But I am not at the point of celebrating. I’ve had a mixture of bittersweet—which actually is what my name means. We have a way for us to live. I have income. I have enough to take care of our children. I can’t really grasp financially how that happened. People gave so generously so that we had enough to take care of our kids.

Q. After years of home schooling your children, you needed to place them in school. How did you make the decision to send them to St. Peter’s Lutheran? How have they adapted to the educational change?

A. It was a joint decision for us to homeschool the children. It was a conviction, a calling for us. We did it together. David was in charge; he laid out the plans and I carried them through. He’d also take the kids with him, so they got a lot of hands-on learning and they got to be with their dad, which was one of the best things.

But I love where they are now at St. Peter’s. We went to three different schools before enrolling them there. Mr. Kovtun (the principal) was the gentlest man. He listened to me, then took me through the school and introduced me to the teachers. They stopped classes and talked to me. I was looking for a school that would provide role models for my boys—men that would represent Christ. I found that in the pastors at the church and at the school. They have high standards and their goals are good. I appreciate that Christian love permeates the school. I wanted them to be taught in a Christian environment.

Q. In the midst of all this change, you then learned, I’m sure, that family and friends were pushing for a home makeover. Did you know before they showed up at your door?

A. I was exuberant—full of joy and excitement. It was incredible how the community pulled together. I had heard rumors that he was coming, but when Ty Pennington and the designers showed up at my door, I just knew this was the ticket home for us. I didn’t care if the house was blue or purple, I just wanted to go home.

Q. They moved the buses and there stood your new home. What was going through your mind?

A. Wow! All the love—all this was done for us. I was overwhelmed by the sacrifice and love that went into this. It was like a little bit of heaven—of what I am going to experience there. It was everything I ever could have wanted. And there are little touches throughout that remind us of David. He grew up in a home that had stone in front of it and he always wanted it. We have it. It was like David was up there with God doing the architecture for our new home.

Q. Life is far different today than a year ago. What have you learned? What do you want to share with others? What do you want others to learn from your experience?

A.  If you’re married, love more. Our lives here are short. Love your spouse, love your children because you don’t know how long you have here to love them. God wants us to take steps of faith, and He rewards those who trust in Him. He has blessed me. We bought a small house, and we trusted in Him and now He made it big enough. I think it just shows me that God is the provider. I hope people do know that God provided this—it wasn’t just people. It was God who provided this through people. This doesn’t change me; I’m not a materialistic person. But it does change the way I see my world—there are a lot of good people out there. I didn’t know that before. I can see the good in the world. I’m hoping my children can see that and not be bitter. The kids are happy; they are good. Nothing will ever be forgotten. And more than anything, God won’t forget about us.

Q. I don’t want to get too personal, but did David’s death change your perspective on financial planning?

 A. David had life insurance, but he didn’t have enough. It’s not that we made any bad decisions; we were just pinched. Now that I’m a single parent, I see the importance and that I need it.

Q. As you celebrate Christmas this year—a Christmas vastly different from last—what are you most thankful for?

A. Eternal life. God providing His son, Jesus, is my best gift.