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Thriving —
How to lose the ‘more’ mentality and gain a meaningful life.
by Gretchen Roberts
When Steve Nelson and Marcia Richards were married six years ago, they had four children between them, a 3,200-square-foot home in Fort Collins, Colorado, and a large yard and garden they spent hours tending. As the kids moved away, Richards, an assistant financial associate with Thrivent Financial for Lutherans, started noticing how burdensome the housework and yard care had become. Nelson, a Thrivent Financial regional support associate, realized that three months could go by before he set foot in some of the house’s rooms.
The couple, who plan to retire within the next seven years, were starting to feel less like owners of their home and more like slaves to it. They decided it was time to reevaluate their priorities, individually at first, and then jointly. “Some of what we went through is what Steve talks with clients about,” Richards says. “We asked ourselves, ‘What are your values? What do you really need?’ Sometimes we forget to ask these questions.”
For Nelson and Richards, the answer was to downsize to a 1,600-square-foot patio home, which meant several garage sales and sizable donations to charity to get rid of extra belongings they had accumulated over the years. “We had to give up some material things,” Nelson says. “But on the plus side, we have a lot of peace without the stuff owning us.”
The ‘American Dream’
Americans have always valued freedom, success and being better off financially than the previous generation. But the “bigger and better” mentality has a price, says Dave Wampler, founder of The Simple Living Network, an organization that provides resources for simple living based in Trout Lake, Washington.
“Success is often measured in terms of stuff,” Wampler explains. “Most of America has debt up to their eyeballs. No one has savings. No one has time. Kids are overscheduled. We’re literally overloaded. How can anyone be expected to keep all that up and live a happy, balanced life?”
Gerald Iversen, national coordinator of Alternatives for Simple Living in Sergeant Bluffs, Iowa, a non-profit organization that equips people of faith to live simply and faithfully, defines “excessive” as anything that interferes with your relationships. “We’re constantly told through the media that the way to happiness is to acquire and collect and maintain and secure all this stuff,” says Iversen, a Thrivent Financial member. “But the important place to find happiness is in relationships”—with God, yourself, family, friends and your community.
Iversen uses Jesus as an example of simple living. “Our ultimate relationship is with God, whom we know through Jesus,” he explains. “Jesus lived simply and was a model of generosity and helpfulness.”
Simple, Yet Satisfying
Short of selling everything and moving to a cabin in the woods, many of us don’t know where to begin to make a change. As Nelson and Richards already know, a good first step is evaluating your priorities and determining what really is important. Sometimes your interests will have changed, and it’s hard to let go. Richards used to take a lot of pride in her garden, which was on an annual garden tour. But when the garden became more of a burden than a joy, she knew it was time to give it up.
Determine what you want to spend time and money on, whether that’s getting involved at your church or building the woodworking shop you’ve always wanted. Once you’ve taken stock of your life—both your current priorities and your future goals—you can begin to better focus your time, money and energy and very purposely discard the rest of the clutter in your life.
It’s important to note that a life of simplicity is not about deprivation, Iversen says. “It’s just the opposite,” he explains. “Simplicity is about a life of generosity, of both time and money.”
With a smaller home to take care of, Nelson and Richards have more time to do the things that are important to them, like spending time with Richards’ elderly parents, volunteering at church, bicycling and practicing their ballroom dancing in the living room.
Plus, the choices they’ve made now are leading them toward a carefree retirement. “We now have the freedom to turn the lock and be gone at a moment’s notice,” Nelson says.
Taking the Plunge
Not everyone is ready or willing to make even small changes in lifestyle in order to simplify. If your things aren’t a burden, there’s no reason to evaluate their place in your life. And you certainly can’t convince others, whether a spouse or a friend, that they need to clean out some junk. But if you are ready for a change, go for it.
Nelson and Richards don’t have a single regret over downsizing so dramatically. “We would do it again in an instant,” Richards says. “We never look back.”
Gretchen Roberts’ article on talking with children appeared in the Spring 2005 issue of Thrivent magazine.
‘Simple’ Tips
Since everyone defines simple living differently, there’s no formula for simplicity.
But these tips will help you get started in taking stock of your life.
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